St. Pete psychologist pens guide to overcoming narcissism

Dr. Harold Shinitzky has spent nearly 30 years helping people – often professional athletes – improve their lives from his St. Petersburg office and through speaking engagements.

He is also an accomplished author whose latest book addresses the rise of narcissism. Shinitzky penned Me, Myself, and I: A Narcissist’s Mindset: A Self-Help Handbook for Victims-Survivors of a Narcissist as a preventative measure.

As a psychologist, Shinitzky has increasingly encountered patients dealing with the effects of “very, very toxic relationships.” However, he realized most related books were for professionals instead of the average person seeking help to recover.

“I would rather deal with an issue, rather than wait for it to become a problem,” Shinitzky said. “So, I decided it seemed as though society needed this type of information to talk about the warning signs of different types of narcissists. And if you happen to be a victim, here are a bunch of therapeutic recommendations …”

The self-published book, his fourth overall, launched July 7. Shinitizky believes it will empower readers to uplift themselves and heal from the trauma associated with narcissism, bullying and gaslighting – a form of psychological manipulation where an abuser attempts to sow doubt and confusion in a victim’s mind.

He also hopes the book will help prevent people from entering destructive relationships. Shinitzky said that happens “more and more.”

“I found that there was this pattern, this kind of interpersonal dynamic taking place where in our society, more individuals were displaying a lack of civility,” he added. “Being more disrespectful, finding comfort in rudeness or online anonymity and just offensive behaviors.”

Shinitzky believes national politics and societal tendencies intrinsically intertwine. He said the steady increase in social fragmentation and tribalism has seemingly permeated positions of power.

While the federal government represents the United States, Shinitzky noted that many political leaders fail to embody that moniker. Instead, they reflect society’s increasing belief that “you’re either with us or you’re the enemy.”

“And so, it’s a vicious cycle,” Shinitzky said. “My hope is to encourage individuals to maintain civility, set their standards high and live up to them to be role models.”

He explained that part of his role is enabling gaslighting victims to see reality while not minimizing what they have experienced. Shinitzky said he publishes self-help books to provide the same information and recommendations he would in his office.

The second half of Me, Myself, and I includes exercises he would typically prescribe patients between sessions. Shinitzky stressed there is no need to keep those tools hidden.

He said it “would be awesome” if narcissists gleaned some insight from the book. However, they typically remain blissfully unaware that they have a problem.

“The only way a narcissist will come into therapy and actually work on themselves is if they experience what’s referred to as a frontal assault to their ego,” Shinitzky added. “It has to be a monstrous issue that shines a light – public humiliation and embarrassment.”

Former University of Michigan and current San Diego Chargers head coach Jim Harbaugh (left) with Dr. Harold Shinitzky. Photo: Facebook.

Shinitzky has worked with Olympians and professional athletes from every major American league. Sports psychology and treating narcissists sometimes intertwine.

Shinitzky said he typically receives a referral from a team owner, league official or coach in those cases. The player usually believes they are better than their team.

In addition, athletes often receive preferential treatment from middle school through college. “Winning is the best disinfectant,” Shinitzky said. “No one cares because they’re winning.”

He encounters similar attitudes from military leaders, CEOs and doctors. “They feel so special about what they do; they just believe everyone else is going to be on board with me, too,” Shinitzky explained.

He said those people believe family and friends are ancillary aspects of life. Shinitzky said many are compensating for feelings of inferiority.

However, he noted narcissism is a trending topic, which leads to mislabeling. Shinitzky also realizes that many people falsely claim victimization without satisfying that criterion.

“Ego – not grandiose ego – in psychological terms is identity,” he explained. “So, identity. Learning what my ego strength is, who I am and not personalizing other people’s behaviors are all part of becoming a stronger individual. And, hopefully, a better society.”

Me, Myself and I is available thorough Amazon.