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‘What I Would Have Missed’: A conduit for survival, hope and healing
Rocco’s book is titled ‘What I Would Have Missed: Stories by Suicide Ideation, Attempt and Loss Survivors.’
Julie Rocco is a survivor. In 2009, she lost her partner to suicide, and shortly after, she attempted to take her own life. Her book, What I Would Have Missed: Stories by Suicide Ideation, Attempt and Loss Survivors, is a conduit for connection and healing for other survivors whose lives have been impacted by suicide.
Rocco will launch the book and speak on the topic Tuesday, May 12 at Coastal Creative in St. Petersburg.
While What Would Have Missed opens with Rocco detailing her own experience, the bulk of the book is community-sourced writings of hope, resiliency, grief, uncertainty and perseverance — sometimes all in the same sentence. The submissions range in length from a few sentences to a few pages, and each offer a unique perspective on the contributor’s experience with suicide.
Rather than categorizing the stories by survival, attempt or ideation, Rocco instead organized the book into themes, including, “The Ones Who Help Me Through,” “Discovering Meaning and Purpose” and “The Bravest Thing I Ever Did.”
Rocco talked about her process of creating the book with her designer: “I told her, ‘I cannot separate these stories … too many people carry both loss and grief and hope and healing in the same breath, and I’m not going to be the one that dissects them.’”
“So that’s what I did. I chose not to dissect into those three categories, and instead honor the complexity of the lives we live as it relates to suicide, and then put it into those themes.”
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Writing a book was not Rocco’s original plan. The project was a natural evolution from her podcast (What I Would Have Missed), which was steadily increasing in popularity and listener engagement, so she put out a call on her website and social media asking for stories.
Contributors could respond to any of three prompts: “What you have missed” (addressed to people lost to suicide from their survivors), “What I would I missed” (describing what the author would have missed had they completed suicide), and “What I will not miss” (answering why someone with ideation chooses to not attempt).
Rocco reviewed each of the submissions. The process of selecting and transcribing, she said, was an emotional and experiential process. Rather than copy/pasting submissions, Rocco chose to retype each story.
“I wanted to truly feel what was being expressed, and make certain that I really had a clear understanding of it, that it would hold purpose and weight in the book, and that I was truly saying ‘Yes, include this story.’”
While the subject matter is heavy, and grief and pain are ever-present themes, there’s an air of hope and even joy throughout the book. The simple act of choosing life is continuously celebrated.
In the chapter “Small Things That Anchor Me,” Cole H. writes how simple daily routines and the feeling of mattering and belonging are what, literally, give him life:
My dog needs a bath my lizard wants more crickets and my cat was begging for a brush today
My boss said I was his most important employee
My sister called me
I seen a house sparrow with red feathers
The simplicity of these “small things” are juxtaposed with devastating stories of sexual assault and the trauma of surviving. Grounding and journaling activities break up the stories so that individuals can tend to themselves and the emotions that may arise as they read. This trauma-informed storytelling is evident even in the design of the book itself.
“[The book designer] used a lot of white space, and that’s to calibrate your nervous system,” Rocco explained. “If it felt too dense when I was typing or reading the stories, I was like, ‘Okay, I need something to balance that on the page, so that I’m balancing the emotional weight in depth with the physical structure of the book.”
“So as I was feeling the experience as a reader, what, what would possibly be needed to feel held in those moments?”
She hopes that these simple yet profound first-hand accounts can help people find connection, instill hope, and remind survivors that their stories are worth telling.
“It’s how you honor someone’s dignity, it’s that you honor their truth, and I think it’s how you’re able to create authentic connection. Because I’m not having to be somebody I’m not in order for you to love me, like me, accept me, help me. You have to start with the core truth of who you are. I believe that is the beginning of your lifeline.”
What I Would Have Missed: Stories by Suicide Ideation, Attempt and Loss Survivors is available for pre-order at tombolobooks.com. RSVP here for the Tombolo-sponsored event, at 7 p.m. Tuesday at Coastal Creative.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal ideation:
- Call or text 988 (National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
- Chat via 988lifeline.org
- In an emergency, call 911
